how can u be prego again
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
