I am full of burrito and curiosity
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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