I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
