dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
The air taste purple.
Randomize
