i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
