My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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