Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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