P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize
