New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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