She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
