Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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