Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
