Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Your penis caused this!
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