I cannot find my penis.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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