Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
