No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
