It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
