got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
