i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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