Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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