everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
