I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
