They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
