I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
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I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
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Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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