Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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