Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
