Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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