Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
