Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
