I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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