Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
