I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You can't special order awesome
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
