Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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