I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
