i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
