shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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