What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
