I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
