Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
MIDGETS
????
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
