did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
