He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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