You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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