I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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