And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
