well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Shame - the story of my life.
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