Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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