It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
