I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
