Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
