There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
