what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
