i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
