eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
