Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
