i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
