WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
