There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
