highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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