I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
