When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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