I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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