my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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