Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
