woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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