I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
