remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
there is puke in my bra ... again
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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