I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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