Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
