it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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