why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
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Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
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It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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