I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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