if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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