So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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