I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
