we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
